A. P. Hill
2005-10-23 02:48:29 UTC
Gay Men Injured In Queer Accident!
East St Louis (APU) 10/20/05 -- "In retrospect, lighting the match was
my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric
Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the ER of the ESL Hospital.
Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been
admitted for emergency treatment after a traditional gay felching
session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped
Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out
'Geranium!,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I
tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered
into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract
him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
happened next.
"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon.
Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely
burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers,
causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a
larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent
out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns on his face, a split lip,
singed eyebrows and lashes and a broken nose from the impact of the
gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his
anus and lower intestinal tract and has complained of a "burnt hair"
taste in his mouth. Both were released after treatment.
Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.
http://tinyurl.com/8hexq
East St Louis (APU) 10/20/05 -- "In retrospect, lighting the match was
my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric
Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the ER of the ESL Hospital.
Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been
admitted for emergency treatment after a traditional gay felching
session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped
Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out
'Geranium!,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I
tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered
into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract
him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
happened next.
"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon.
Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely
burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers,
causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a
larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent
out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns on his face, a split lip,
singed eyebrows and lashes and a broken nose from the impact of the
gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his
anus and lower intestinal tract and has complained of a "burnt hair"
taste in his mouth. Both were released after treatment.
Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.
http://tinyurl.com/8hexq